From the Desk Of Harleen Quinzell
by Red Rellik
Summary: Ever wonder the decent to madness that Dr. Harleen Quinzell took? Well in this short play you'll see her start as Arkham's newest psychologist and turn into the homicidal maniac we all know today.


From the desk of Dr. Harleen Quinzell.

* * *

Log Date; October 31st, 2012

First interview with Number 49500; AKA The Joker.

Quinzell: Hello 49500. My name is Dr. Harleen Quinzell.

Joker: Well you're much prettier then the last head shrink they assigned me. He didnt have the curves a man, such as myself, would appreciate.

Quinzell: I'd appreciate it if we kept this as professional as possible please. Tell me 49500...

Joker: Joker.

Quinzell: Excuse me?

Joker: call me Joker.

Quinzell: Would you like me to call you Joker? I can call you anything you'd like. Why Joker?

Joker: (Laughs hysterically) You really need to ask?

Quinzell: (Clears throat) I didnt mean to offend. Why did you try and blow up the police station Joker?

Joker: You know what? Its Halloween. I think you should dress up! I have the perfect outfit for you! (Laughs) You just have to make sure you change into in front of me.

Quinzell: Mr. Joker, please. (Paper rustles) Do you understand why you are here?

Joker: Because the Bat put me away of course.

Quinzell: Do you blame the Batman for all of your misfurtunes?

Joker: Ooooh (Laughs) that's first time I've been asked that question! You're good Doc. (Voice gets low) If you only knew what happens behind closed doors when that Batbrat and me have one of our go arounds, you might be afraid for your life.

Quinzell: So you do blame the Batman for your problems?

Joker: Problems? What problems?

Quinzell: Your disfigurement, you being here in Arkham.

Joker: Well he is the reason for both, but my own actions put me here, I have no delusion about that.

Quinzell: Mr. Joker, why did you try and blow up the police station?

Joker: (Laughs) I didnt answer the first time, why would I answer now?

Quinzell: Maybe if I ask enough it will wear you down.

Joker: Harley baby, there are alot of things you could try and do to wear me down (Laughs) but for now, go home. (Voice drops) We're done here.

* * *

Log Date; November 6th, 2012

Second interview with Number 49500; AKA The Joker.

(Door closses footsteps heard)

Quinzell: Hello Mr. Joker. How was your week?

Joker: Aaah! Harley Darling! Was hoping I didnt scare you off!

Quinzell: You dont scare me.

Joker: Really?

Quinzell: If I tell you the truth will you answer my questions?

Joker: Bargaining? Seems a little beneath you doesnt it?

Quinzell: I believe I'm suppose to be asking the questions here Mr. Joker.

Joker: You're right! (Slams desk) Where are my manners? (Laughs hysterically) Fine Doc! You be honest with me, and I'll answer three of your questions!

Quinzell: Thank you Mr. Joker. I actually requested you as a patient. I wanted to see if I could finally break through you're hard exterior. No Mr. Joker, you dont scare me, you facinate me.

Joker: (laughing) Facinate you? Well when you're honest, you're really honest.

Quinzell: Now to keep you're side of our agreement. Why did you try and blow up the Police station?

Joker: Well, if you must know, to get his attention.

Quinzell: The Batman's?

Joker: Heeeey, give the lovely lady a prize! (laughs)

Quinzell: Do you crave his attention?

Joker: Crave? Such a demening word. I crave many things; Guns, bullets, knives, explosives, packs of ravished animals. But when you put it in context with Batman, you make it sound as though I'm always wanting him for myself.

Quinzell: This goes with my last question, so this doesnt count as one of the three. You dont consider yourself obbsessed with discovering who the Batman is?

Joker: I dont care who he is! (Laughs) I just want him to realize that he's not alone! He has one rule did you know that?

QUinzell: I did not.

Joker: He refuses to kill. (laughs harder) Who does that? I mean if you were to go out every night and dress as a flying rodent, you think he'd be ok with getting blood on his hands, but he just keeps putting us all in here!

Quinzell: Do you want the Batman to kill you?

Joker: (Silence for long while) We're done here.

Quinzell: You said you'd answer three of my questions, that's my last question, then I'll let the guard let you leave.

Joker: Fine Doc. I want the bat to break his rule. (table flips and Quinzell screams)

Guards: Get down! (Fight is heard)

Joker: I plan on having him break that rule Doc! (comes from far away) Either on me or someone else I dont care! But he'll break that rule!

Quinzell: (Breaths heavily and sobs)

* * *

Log Date; November 11th, 2012

Third interview with Number 49500; AKA The Joker.

Quinzell: Mr. Joker.

Joker: Seems you're stupid enough to come back.

Quinzell: Should we do the honesty for three questions again today?

Joker: No.

Quinzell: (Silence for a while) What would you like to talk about today then Mr. Joker?

Joker: You're the shrink. You decide.

Quinzell: Want to tell me what happened to you?

Joker: Fell into chemicals.

Quinzell: Is that all?

Joker: Pretty much.

Quinzell: Would you like to explain the details of what happened that day?

Joker: (Silence) We're done here.

(Footsteps and Door Closes)

* * *

Log Date; January 15th, 2013

Fourth interview with number 49500; Aka The Joker.

Quinzell: Welcome back to Arkham Mr. Joker.

Joker: Doctor Harley? I was expecting a different shrink! (Laughs) I see you dont give up so easily do you?

Quinzell: Why did you break out Mr. Joker?

Joker: Well I didnt like the man they put in the cell next to me. Always talking to himself.

Quinzell: You mean Mr. Dent?

Joker: Old Two-Face, yeah. You know I'm never sure which side of his face I'm suppose to look at when I talk to him. (Laughs hysterically)

Quinzell: (laughs silently)

Joker: Ah! You do have a sense of humor!

Quinzell: (coughs) Mr. Joker, you broke out and tried to burn down town hall. You had help though, Mr. Cobblepot?

Joker: Penguin.

Quinzell: Yes. Cobblepot.

Joker: Why not call them what they are?

Quinzell: I dont understand you're question.

Joker: Well you call me Joker. Why not call Dent, Two-Face, and Cobblepot, Penguin?

Quinzell: You're different.

Joker: Oviously, but why not call me name?

Quinzell: Do you know your name?

Joker: Joker.

Quinzell: Then I do call you your name.

Joker: No. You call me what I told you to call me. If I told you to call me Mr. J, you probably would.

Quinzell: No Mr. Joker, I would not.

Joker: (Laughs hysterically) You say that now. But I'll break you down eventually.

Quinzell: So why did you and Mr Cob, (pauses) Penguin, try and burn Gotham Town Hall.

Joker: Penguin did it to get revenge on some bitch judge.

Quinzell: And yourself?

Joker: I wanted to watch it burn.

Quinzell: Why?

Joker: Just to play in the ashes.

Quinzell: Does it excite you? Sexually?

Joker: Trying to get in my pants Doc? (laughs hysterically)

Quinzell: (papers heard rustling) Of course not. Just trying to do a proper diagnosis.

Joker: (laughs) No Harley. It doesnt Sexually excite me. It makes me feel warm inside (laughs) like we made the three victims feel inside the building!

Quinzell: Two of those people died you realize this? Do you feel remorse?

Joker: Oh they're just pawns in me and Bat's endless chess game.

Quinzell: You find it all a game?

Joker: Life is a game Harley. Sometimes things must be sacraficed for the game to end. Those people, I use that term loosely, (laughs) were simply in wrong place at wrong time.

Quinzell: You seem to feel as though you wish their had been more people inside.

Joker: (laughs) I do! If there were more people inside there then maybe Bats would have broken that rule!

Quinzell: You and Batman faught a top of the burning building correct?

Joker: Yes! An epic fight! I actually landed a few good blows on the over grown bafoon this time!

Quinzell: Sources say that you had him pinned down for awhile screaming that you both should go down. What did you mean?

Joker: When I leave this existance, I plan on taking him with me.

Quinzell: Why?

Joker: (laughs so hard the chair is heard falling to ground) Be honest Doc. Would you wanna die alone?

Guard: Times up. (chains clang and door opens)

Joker: See you later Doc! (Door closes)

Quinzell: Goodbye Mr. J.

* * *

Log Date; January 17th, 2013

Fifth interview with number 49500; Aka The Joker.

(Door closes)

Joker: We seem to be seeing more and more of each other Doc.

Quinzell: I've asked the warden to schuedule you for three visits a week from here on out. I want to see if the more meets will help me determine a better diagnosis.

Joker: What ever you say Harley dear.

Quinzell: So lets begin shall we? It has come to my attention, that yesterday in the lunch area, you and a Mr. Zsa Zsa got into a small altercation. Mind telling me what happened?

Joker: Oh nothing really. Just hadnt hurt anyone since bats put me away in here. He was standing there and I just let him have it.

Quinzell: You dumped frying grease onto his lap

Joker: (Silence) Like I said. I let him have it. (Laughs hysterically)

Quinzell: (small snicker) Did he provoke you in anyway?

Joker: Yes. He provoked me in a way that disgusts me to my very core.

Quinzell: What exactly did he do?

Joker: He blinked at me. (Laughs even more hysterically)

Quinzell: Was that it?

Joker: It was a very intresting blink.

Quinzell: Do you not like being stared at?

Joker: Something I'm use to. You dont look as handsome as this face does, (silence for a few seconds) with out being stared at from time to time.

Quinzell: You want to talk about how you came about those scars and the skin condition?

Joker: I've told you that I fell into chemicals.

Quinzell: Mind telling me the whole story? It doesnt have to be today, when you're ready.

JOker: You really know how to flatter a boy dont you Doctor.

Quinzell: Its not flattery Mr. Joker. You asked me once why I didnt call you by your real name. I would call you by it if I knew it. Your finger prints must have been burned off by the chemicals, because you have never left prints behind at any crime scene. During dramatic events that you suffered its common for...

Joker: Now that right there, (laughs loud) just proves that you're a Head Shrink!

Quinzell: So do you know your real name Mr. Joker?

Joker: I've told you my name twice already. You just called me it. My name is Joker. That's the only name you need to know. Though there was a time when I was called Red Hood.

Quinzell: Many people wore that mask I understand.

Joker: Yes, but not as fancy as myself. I was what you called a flashy metra-de.

Quinzell: I've seen the pictures.

Joker: Bet you had alot of fun with those too didnt you?

Quinzell: (coughs loudly) Mr. Joker!

Joker: Oh Dr. Harley!

Quinzell: I think that we've had enough for today! (folders slap close and papers shuffle and door opens) Goodbye Mr. Joker! (Door slams shut)

Joker: Oh Harley, Harley, Harley, Harley.

* * *

Log Date; January 20th, 2013

Sixth interview with number 49500; Aka The Joker.

Quinzell: Why do you call me Harley?

Joker: I like it better then Harleen. Sounds like an old woman. Beautiful woman like you shouldnt be confused as an old woman. Harley sounds young and sexy. Just like you.

Quinzell: I thought I asked you to stop that Mr. Joker.

Joker: No. You just stormed out. Thought I was going to be assigned a new shrink after the other day.

Quinzell: Well you did get under my skin.

Joker: Not the only thing of yours I want to get under! (Laughs hysterically)

Quinzell: If you're trying to make me storm out of the room again Mr. Joker, its not going to work.

Joker: I was just curious to see if I could make a repeat of last time is all Doc. Dont get your panties in a twist.

Quinzell: My panties are no concern of yours Mr. Joker.

Joker: When will you call me Mr. J?

Quinzell: Never! I am your profesional psychologist. I must keep this profesional.

Joker: You have to keep it profesional. Not me. (laughs loud banging his fist on the table)

Guard: Easy does it Joker! You dont want to end up back in solitary confinement do you?

Quinzell: Its ok guard. So tell me Mr. Joker. Have you ever considered doing something else besides living a life of crime?

Joker: Like being a teacher?

Quinzell: Would you like to teach?

Joker: Goodness no! I hate children! I once blew up a school.

Quinzell: Why be "Clown Prince of Gotham" if you hate children? Clowns are loved by children. Dont you think that that sends a mixed signal of sorts?

Joker: Well I couldnt control what those chemicals did to my appearence, and I could care less what those snot nosed brats think of me. I'd blow up a hundred schools just to say "It was fun."

Quinzell: So do you hate what you have become?

Joker: It has freed me.

Quinzell: What do you mean by that? Were you not free before?

Joker: The death of one's family can do th...

Quinzell: Yes?

(Silence)

Joker: I believe we're done now. (Chair squeeks and chains clink while a door slams)

Quinzell: As you say Mr. J.

* * *

Log Date; February 18th, 2013

Seventh interview with number 49500; Aka The Joker.

(recording stumbles and falls to the ground)

Joker: PICK IT UP!

(More stumbling noises as the recorder is placed back up on table)

Joker: Come now Doc. Not like you have a gun to your head here.

Quinzell: You broke into my apartment! You're here in my apartment!

Joker: Yes. I was feeling the need to get somethings off my chest.

Quinzell: What are they?

Joker: I think its time you and I finally agree on a few things.

Quinzell: Such as?

Joker: Our mutual love for the human psyche.

Quinzell: Do you think you know what your diagnosis will be from me then?

Joker: I have no diagnosis. I'm the sanest person in Gotham. However I think I finally know what YOUR diagnosis is.

Quinzell: Mine?

Joker: Yes. I think you are compolsive.

Quinzell: Why do you think that?

Joker: You went from our one time a week meetings, to three. Then I hear you wanted to go back to once a week meetings before I broke out.

Quinzell: Is that why you broke out? Because you wanted to speak to me?

Joker: That was a part of it yes. Other reason, (silence then a cocking of a gun) you did something to me. I didnt like it.

Quinzell: (Gasps) Please! Mr. Joker! Please!

Joker: (laughs hysterically)

(glass breaking and screaming. Struggle is heard and finally laughing)

Joker: Good old Bats! Always around when a damsel is in distress!

Batman: Keep it down. (steps heard) You ok Dr. Quinzell?

Quinzell: Y-y-y-yes.

Joker: I honestly wasnt going to hurt her Bats. Just wanted to scare her.

(laughing hysterically)

* * *

Log Date; June 4th, 2013

First interview with number 48365; Harvey Dent; AKA Two-Face.

Quinzell: Good morning Mr. Dent.

Two-Face: (Grunts)

Quinzell: I was assigned to your case by the warden. Do you have any questions before we begin?

Two-Face: Why did the clown let you live?

Quinzell: Excuse me?

Two-Face: The clown let you live. He broke into your place and just talked to you. Why?

Quinzell: Mr. Joker is not why we are Mr. Dent. We're here to talk about you.

Two-Face: Us? Why do you want to know us?

Quinzell: Who is "us" Harvey? May I call you Harvey?

Two-Face: No. And we are who you see before you. We are us.

Quinzell: (scribbling on paper) The guards let you keep your coin correct?

Two-Face: (coin is heard flipping in air) Our last doctor said that it would help us recover if we kept it with us.

Quinzell: Do you make all of your decisions based off the flip of your coin?

Two-Face: It is our only way to keep balance.

Quinzell: Why do you need balance Mr. Dent?

Two-Face: Batman took the balance from our life. He kept us from being happy. He caused us to become what we are today. We need balance. With out balance we'd all be him.

Quinzell: Who, Mr. Dent?

Two-Face: The clown. He just wants destruction with end game. If it was for him we'd all be nothing but burn marks on the side walks. He's a lunatic with no soul

Quinzell: MR. J IS NOT... (silence) Excuse me Mr. Dent. I lost my temper. But I've told you already that we are here to discuss you, not Mr. Joker.

Two-Face: What ever you say Dr. Quinzell.

(silence)

Quinzell: I think that is all for today Mr. Dent. I'll see you next week.

(Papers rustle and chains clink as two doors close)

* * *

Log Date; June 11th, 2013

Second interview with number 48365; Harvey Dent; AKA Two-Face.

Quinzell: Hello again Mr. Two-Face.

Two-Face: Hello Doctor.

Quinzell: I heard that you tried a break out after our last appointment. It was stopped by Batman. He stopped you, Penguin, Mr. Zsa Zsa and Scarecrow correct?

Two-Face: He always seems to be in right place at right time.

Quinzell: A name was left off the list. Apparently during break out, you all left Joker's cell closed. Is there a reason none of you tried breaking him out?

Two-Face: Zsa didnt want another crotch full of frying oil. And we knew that he would make it clear of what we were doing.

Quinzell: Why do you believe that?

Two-Face: That is what he does. He is all flash.

Quinzell: (pen tabs rabidly on the table) Do you not like Mr. J?

Two-Face: He is a loud mouthed clown.

(siren goes off)

(footsteps from distance and screams and hollering)

Guard: Dr. Quinzell get down and stay down. Dent dont move!

Two-Face: Who is throwing a party with out me?

(screams coming from hallway and gurgling noises)

Guard: Prisoner 49500 Stand down!

(hysterical laughter heard from down hallway as gun fire goes off)

(door slams open and laughter gets louder)

Joker: Hey Harley dear! Its been far far to long! (laughing hysterically)

Two-Face: Bout time clown! I thought we weren't going to get another shot at a break out again for months!

Joker: (growls) Harley! Are you cheating on me with this sad pathetic excuse of a mobster?

Two-Face: Very funny clown. Now get me ou...

(fight is heard. Fist is heard pounding flesh)

Quinzell: (whimpering) Joker...

Joker: Dont worry dear. He's alive. (gun cocks) For now. You left me high and dry, I pay you a visit at your home! Tell you things that I keep to myself! And you repay me by seeing this sad sack!

Quinzell: Joker, dont kill Mr. Dent. I'll set up our appointments again!

Joker: Three times a week like before?

Quinzell: Yes! Three times a week. Just let Mr. Dent live!

(silence)

Joker: (gun is heard and bullets hit the floor) Very well Doc.

(commotion is heard in room and laughter begins as small talk of medical personal ends scene)

* * *

Log Date; June 12th, 2013

Eighth interview with number 49500; Aka The Joker.

Joker: Good to see you again Harley.

Harleen: Its good to see you too Mr. Joker. I understand you stabbed your last psychologist.

Joker: She was old.

Harleen: Do you prefer younger women?

Joker: Are you asking for science or personal reasons?

Harleen: Maybe both. Would that be bad?

Joker: My my Doc! Havent you've grown bold.

Harleen: Maybe I'm just playing you the way you played me?

Joker: Ooh, I get it know. Reverse psychology. I like this game Harley.

Harleen: (giggles to herself) Tell me Mr. Joker. Did you feel left out by the other inmates attempted escape?

Joker: Not at all! I knew it was going to happen. Had I really wanted to join them I would have escaped while Bats was taking care of them all.

Harleen: When was last time you saw the Batman?

Joker: You were there. You know the answer.

Harleen: So its been awhile?

Joker: To long for my taste.

Harleen: Are you saying you plan on making another escape attempt?

Joker: Harley, as much as I like you, I cant tell you that. I know the warden hears all of these conversations. I'm not stupid.

Harleen: My word isnt good enough for you?

Joker: Your word isnt worth whatever you paid for those. (laughs hysterically)

Harleen: Not that its your bussiness Mr. Joker, (silence), but I'm one hundred percent natural.

Joker: Oh. Arent you a tease!

Harleen: Since we brought it up earlier, why did you sneak into my home during your last escape?

Joker: I told you then, discuss our equal love for the human psyche.

Harleen: You said you were the sanest person in Gotham. Do you honestly believe that?

Joker: Everyone else just likes to play dress up. They pretend to be those they arent. But me? I know who and what I am.

Harleen: And what are you Mr. Joker?

Joker: (laughter) I'm the Clown Price of Crime! Gotham's Worse Nightmare! Batman's greatest foe! I'm The Joker. I dont pretend to be anything other then what I am.

Harleen: Do you want your name famous?

Joker: I believe my name is already famous.

Harleen: Do you believe you're in the same category as other known villains, such as Lex Luthor?

Joker: Baldy? (laughs even more hysterically) He wishes he was as good as me! I can burn Metropolis to the ground before he even realizes his fancy mansion's smoke detector's go off.

Harleen: What about other great villains?

Joker: I dont consider myself a villain.

Harleen: what do you consider yourself?

Joker: I'm the anti-villain.

Harleen: What do you mean?

Joker: I'm not here for word domination. Not here for money. I'm simply here to have a good time. Even if its in the company of a sexy all natural doctor (laughs hysterically)

Harleen: (quietly laughs as well)

(recorder cuts off)

* * *

Log Date; August 20th, 2013

Twentieth interview with number 49500; Aka The Joker.

Harleen: Mr. Joker. It has been quit some time.

Joker: Hello Harley. How has my favorite shrink been?

Harleen: The niceties have to end I'm afraid. (sighs sadly) I must ask you why did you kidnap Commissioner Gordon, and shoot his daughter?

Joker: Well. I was in a bad place. Old memories came flooding back.

Harleen: Memories of your family?

Joker: How is it you get these things out of me darling?

Harleen: My womanly charms I suppose (seductively)

Joker: I think I'm wearing off on you dear Harley.

Harleen: I would appreciate it if you called me Harleen.

Joker: But I told you, that's an old woman's name.

Harleen: I'm not exactly young anymore Mr. Joker.

Joker: Your mouth says that, but not your body.

Harleen: (coughs loudly) Easy Mr. Joker.

Joker: (Laughs hysterically)

Harleen: You haven't answered my questions.

Joker: Ooh come on Harley! Why do you think I did it?

Harleen: Well, so far my diagnosis is that you're just planely psychocit. A sociopath.

Joker: Oh? Interesting.

Harleen: Excuse me?

Joker: Well should you be discussing that with me? I'm the patient!

Harleen: Not like you're condition will get worse with me telling you what my diagnosis is. Infact it's only fair for me to tell you. Its about you.

Joker: Have you told the higher ups yet?

Harleen: Yes.

Joker: Harley (silence) I'm hurt you didnt tell me first. (voice drops low) Not seeing other patients behind my back again are you?

Harleen: I assure you Mr. Joker. You're the only patient for me.

Joker: That's good. I'd be very upset otherwise.

Harleen: Are you aware of Barbra Gordon's condition?

Joker: Worm food? (hopeful)

Harleen: Paralyzed from the waist down. She'll never walk again.

Joker: Even better! (laughs hysterically) Let the ginger bitch rot in a wheel chair for the rest of her pathetic life!

Harleen: Gordon is back to work also.

Joker: (laughter stops) Batman ruined my plan! I wanted to show him that anyone could become like me had everything been taken from them.

Harleen: You still feel the need to prove Bats wrong dont you?

Joker: We've discussed this many times, its my main reason for being at this point.

Harleen: What if one of the others succeeded in taking him out before you? How would you handle the lost of your greatest foe?

Joker: I've never considered it.

Harleen: Its a possibility. Scarecrow might get him.

Joker: (laughs hysterically) Crane? You think that fear inducing moron could take Bats out? (laughs even harder) Oh Harley you kill me dear!

Harleen: (join laughter)

* * *

Date Log; September 6th, 2013

Group Session: Penguin, Two-Face, Poison Ivey, Joker.

Harleen: Hello everyone. I was asked to perform a group session for you all mostly to determine why you all seem to be obessed wiith Batman.

Joker: I dont like this! (struggle is heard) Guard remove this straightjacket!

Guard: Quiet Joker.

Penguin: Yeah clown! Quiet!

Joker: I wonder if I slice your gut if fish and blubber will come out. (laughs hysterically)

Ivey: Boys, please! The doctor has questions for us.

Harleen: Thank you Miss Ivey.

Two-Face: You're lucky we're cuffed Clown. We own you a beating still.

Joker: Bring it on split head! (laughs again)

Harleen: ENOUGH! (quiet) Thank you. Now lets start with you Mr. Dent. You blame Batman for the scaring on the right side of your face correct?

Two-Face: He is to blame. He caused this!

Harleen: How is he to blame? Wasnt it your digging into the mob as the D.A. that caused the attack on your family, and the attempt on your life?

Two-Face: (Grows)

Ivey: That doesnt answer hunny.

Two-Face: Who asked you?

Ivey: I have delusions, Batman didnt cause my accident, it was an accident. However, he does block me from my goal.

Joker: Oh yes! I should send old Batbrat a fruit basket for that then! (Laughs hysterically)

Ivey: You're lucky I dont have my pheramones clown! (Spit)

Harleen: What's that mean Pamela? (pen taps loud on the paper)

Ivey: I'd make him eat those words!

Harleen: With pheramones?

Ivey: (silence) You ok Dr Quinzell?

Harleen: Fine. Lets talk to you, Penguin. You own one legitimate bussiness correct? The Ice-Burg Lounge?

Penguin: Yes. Legitimate. (softly chuckles) I leave it in the hands of my manager while I'm incarcerated.

Harleen: You come from a very wealthy family correct?

Two-Face: He'd be Bruce Wayne had he not been born like bird.

Joker: (laughs) Let me ask? Were you hatched?

Ivey: Boys, leave Penguin alone. Its not his fault his mother had a beastiality fetish.

Joker: Yes the Cobblepot merriage went "a fowl"! (Laughs hysterically)

Penguin: Yes, yes. Joke all you'd like. But remember I can get all of you with you even knowing it!

Joker: Big talk from a little bird.

Harleen: Ok everyone. Calm down. Penguin, when you first started you're life of crime you mainly focused on Bruce Wayne, is that because you're jealous of him having the life you believed to be yours?

Joker: I'm uncomfortable.

Penguin: The question is towards me clown. And in a nutshell (pauses) yes. That is it exactly.

Joker: Can we go back to our single meetings. These three are just annoying.

Harleen: I have no control over what the warden has assigned me, sorry Mr. Joker. (Drifts off)

Ivey: (humms to herself)

Penguin: Well ladies and gents. (Chain clings) I have prior appointments. Guard! Let me out of here!

Guard: Dr. Quinzell?

Harleen: Very well. We'll see each other again.

Two-Face: Finally.

Ivey: Nice meeting you Harley.

Harleen: Dr. Quinzell Miss Ivey.

(door closes as footsteps heard in distance)

Joker: Thought they would never leave! (Laughs)

Harleen: Mr. Joker? What are you still doing in here?

Joker: I was hoping for some alone time with you. I've told you before I dont like sharing.

Harleen: I'm not your possession Mr. Joker.

Joker: No? Could have fulled me.

(steps heard)

Harleen: (gasps and gets pressed against wall) Mr. J...

Joker: I knew I'd get you to call me that. (laughs hysterically as door opens)

Guard: What's going on here Joker? (struggle heard as laughing continues and door slams shut)

Harleen: Oh my god. (breaths heavily)

* * *

Log Date: October 15th, 2013

Twenty Fifth Interview With Prisoner 49500; AKA Joker.

Harley: Hello Mr. J.

Joker: Harley dear. Glad to see you.

Harleen: I heard you been being a good boy lately. Having a break through?

Joker: By hell no! (Laughs hysterically) I was threatened with a new psychologist if I misbehaved.

Harleen: Is that all it takes to get you to behave?

Joker: Even when I'm behaving, I'm still a bad boy.

Harleen: Is that so?

Joker: Want to see?

Harleen: (whispers) Maybe.

Joker: (whispers) You'd have to get rid of this guard.

(silence)

Guard: Joker! You have a visitor. Sorry Doc. Gotta cut it short today.

Harleen: No! We still have alot to talk about! You cant take him away from me now!

Guard: Not my call. Its, (pauses) uh, (pauses) a special visitor.

Joker: Its ok Harley. We'll see each other on our one year anniversary though. Have a nice week off. (laughs as he is escorted from room)

Guard: Are you ok Dr. Quinzell?

Harleen: Dont speak to me! Hmp! (papers rustle)

Guard: I think maybe you should take the next few weeks off not just next week Doc.

Harleen: Dont you dare talk to me that way! You just dont want me to see Mr. J! No one does!

Guard: Doc! Calm down!

Harleen: (Breaths heavily) You're right. I'm sorry. I just got to into this case. You're right of course, but I feel like I'm breaking through to him.

Guard: Do you need a ride home? (Stumbles with words) I mean, you know, I could give you a ride home. I'm off in an hour. So, yeah?

Harleen: No thank you. (paper rustles) I'm seeing someone anyways. (Stern in voice as door slams shut)

Guard: He's one lucky man then. (Whistles)

* * *

Log Date: October 31st, 2013

Final Interview with Prisoner 49500; AKA Mr. J; AKA Pookie Bear!

Guard3: The camera good here?

Guard: Yeah that works. Doc wants it set up.

(Door to right opens and Joker is brought in wearing straight jaket)

Joker: We making a sex tape boys? One night in Joker? (laughs hysterically throwing head back, long green hair flying backwards)

Guard3: He's a sick bastard. (Leaves closing the door behind him)

Joker: Not leaving with him?

Guard: Dr. Quinzell asked me to stay in here today.

Joker: Oh. (Looks down eyes hidden by shadow of his hair) She doesnt want to be alone with me then? Kinda upsets me. Almost makes me not want to smile anymore. (Smiles large) Almost.

(voice heard from distance)

Harley: Pookie? OOOOOOOOH Pookie!

Guard: Dr. Quinzell? (walks to door to left and goes to open it. (Shotgun goes off through door sending him flying back landing next to Joker)

Joker: What a blast huh? (laughs hysterically)

(Door swings open with Harley dressed in skimpy clown outfit hanging from it)

Joker: Harley?

Harley: Hey-a Mr. J! Did you miss me Pookie? (Runs and straddles Joker's lap)

Joker: My lord! Look at you? I thought you beautiful before!

(both laugh hysterically)

Harley: Names Harley Quinn! (Poses for camera) Lets go Pookie! (releases the Joker and hands him a shot gun) Lead the way Mr. J!

Joker: Oh this is going to be fun!

Harley: Happy anniversery Mr. J!

Joker: Happy anniversery Harley!

(both laugh hysterically as they walk out the door)


End file.
